#387

Reason #387 why I love attending our hometown's minor league hockey games:

The entertainment branches far beyond the fights that break out between players.

{via}

Exhibit A:

During the first intermission between periods they always feature a live "kid bowling" event.  Basically, they strap a kid to a bungee cord and fling the little darling all the way down the rink into some huge bowling pins.  98% of the time the child continues sliding right into the wall, which is so kindly protected with a mat that is moved around by some volunteers.  The problem arises when the volunteers aren't paying attention.  Last week, a little boy who I'm guessing was about 8 years old, was flung down the ice, totally missing all the bowling pins and hit the wall going pretty fast.  It looked like a scene out of a movie.  He flew backwards after slamming into the wall and just laid there for a few seconds.  I was horrified that the arena erupted into laughter!  Thankfully, the little boy got up and raised his fists into the air like any little champion would do.

Apparently, in the past, they used to have a "Weenie Dog Race" during the first intermission but there was public outcry claiming that it was animal cruelty.  Sooooo dogs = no go, children = okay!

Exhibit B:

During the second intermission an event called "Chuck-a-puck" happens.  You can buy plastic hockey pucks for a buck (get it?) and then during this intermission they lay out targets on the ice and everyone throws their pucks at the targets.  The pucks that land closest to each target get a corresponding prize.  The prizes are fantastic (<-- Sarcasm!) and always the same: a chicken finger dinner from a place called "Tenders", a haircut at SportsClips, a ticket to the next hockey game, and the grand prize...a $500 gift certificate to Bath Fitter.  If I never hear another Bath Fitter commercial again, it'll be too soon.

The Bath Fitter "target" is a miniature bathtub, maybe just a tad bigger than a soap dish.  You have to get it in the mini-tub in order to win.  Well, needless to say, Bath Fitter shouldn't worry because no one ever gets it in.  Ever.  Until now...  The crowd exploded when the puck zigged and zagged and made it's final resting place in the little bathtub.  It was like our little team had won the Stanley Cup.  Victory was ours!  We had beat Bath Fitter.

So the MC of the event/hockey game, Freak Daddy, picks up the puck while the crowd waits in stunned silence to hear the announcement of the winner's name.  He looks like he's having trouble figuring out how to pronounce it, so I automatically think it's me because no one can ever pronounce Brekke with questioning themselves.  Oh wait...I didn't buy a puck to chuck for a buck. Crap.

Freak Daddy clears his throat and says, "Well the winner wrote something dirty so they're forfeiting their bathtub winnings."

Once again, the crowd erupted. 

And that, my friends, is why we are faithful supporters of our minor league hockey team.