I'm at a crossroads people.  I could use your thoughts, prayers, ideas, etc.  I decided I wanted to be a nurse right before I received my Associate's Degree at a community college and I kind of had to make a decision about what I wanted to do with my life.  When you're a single gal that doesn't think you'll be settling down soon you have to make a plan for your life, your career becomes of greatest importance to you because you have to figure out how to support yourself.

So I went to nursing school with the goal of becoming a labor and delivery nurse.  It was hard.  Nursing school is one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I made great friends, and even met my husband through someone that I went to nursing school with.  I've realized now that even I never would have worked a day as a nurse that nursing school was not a waste.  I met my very best friends and ultimately met my husband because of my choice to become a nurse.  But work I did...I got my dream job right out of nursing school in one of the best hospitals in Jacksonville as a Labor and Delivery nurse.  I was so excited, so nervous, so thrilled to be there for people and help them through the happiest day of their lives.  I jumped in feet first and learned as much as I could about pregnancy and delivery.  I quickly realized however, that it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows and baby rattles.  Sometimes there was serious illness, there was heartache, there was pain, and sometimes sadly, there was death.  Over the next three and a half years I worked hard and took care of hundreds of patients. I was the primary nurse at over 200 deliveries, not to mention all of the people that I took care of while they labored (but didn't get to meet their little peanuts), the people we worked tirelessly to keep pregnant because they were too early, and women that had significant complications during their delivery.

It took me a good year before I would stop being teary-eyed during the deliveries.  There was absolutely no greater feeling than handing a brand new baby to his Mom and Dad for the first time.  On the other hand, I never would have imagined how much I would enjoy taking care of women who lost their baby or those in terrible situations where we all knew that nothing good was going to come of the situation.  I guess enjoy isn't the right word.  I hated that these families had to go through the lose of a baby but I felt so humbled that I was in a position to make the situation just a little bit more bearable.

I'm not really good at anything.  We all know people who are athletic, or really crafty, or can sing or whatever.  I'm not one of them.  I never had anything I was really talented in.  Once I had been working in L&D for a few years I felt like I was finally good at something.  I feel like I gave it my all and devoted my entire attention and energy to my patients while I was at work.  Unfortunately I also devoted my time when I wasn't working.  I took a lot of my work home with me.  I constantly worried about my patients, I cried for them, I always wondered if there was anything else I could have done to make a situation better.  I kept saying to myself, "Just give it another year and maybe you'll be more confident."

Then I met my future husband and we got married and moved two states away.

I was heartbroken when I left my job in L&D.  Of course I was ecstatic to be getting married but there was a tiny part of me that thought that I may not ever do L&D again, so it was doubly hard to leave my coworkers and patients at the hospital where I worked.

So here I am, trying to decided what to do with my life.  I feel like that scared college sophomore all over again, but now maybe I can do something that I enjoy but am not crazy stressed about.  Maybe I don't have to work on Christmas and Thanksgiving.  Maybe I can be home when my husband gets off work every day. I'm looking into other types of nursing jobs now and hoping that something will come along that I can do and be good at again.  I hope that I can work hard and bless the people that I take care of like I feel like I did in L&D.  At lastly I hope that somewhere out there a scared little graduate will get her dream job in L&D and get to do it for a little while and know the joy that it brought me.

Until then......I wait for my Alabama nursing license to come in......and Max to be potty trained :)


agalandherdog said...

These kinds of decisions are so hard. I worked a truly terrible job right out of college and was so depressed that I'd never find my place, but then I ended up somewhere else in a position that I absolutely love. I guess what I'm saying is that things will work out in the end. You just have to be patient.

Julie said...

I see you as being so very talented.

You get to reinvent yourself in your new environment.

Find your bliss and do something that makes you happy and everything else will fall into place.

Anonymous said...

Your momma says....You were a truly amazing L & D nurse and you will be truly amazing at the next thing you decide to do. You have to love what you do when you work cuz you spend lots of time there. Love you baby girl!!